Not Feeling “Good Enough”? I’ve Got Confidence for You
“Confidence isn’t optimism or pessimism, and it’s not a character attribute. It’s the expectation of a positive outcome.” – Rosabeth Moss Kanter
It’s amazing how easily we are dragged down by our own thoughts, feeling like “I’m not good enough.” This thought alone will translate into not going for the job or promotion you really want or going out on a date with someone you’d like to get to know.
Even when you are doing your best, it still may not feel like it’s good enough, which in turn makes you feel that you’re not good enough either.
I’m here to tell you: you are good enough. Here are thirteen tips to remember when you’re feeling like you’re not.
1. Shut Down the Inner Critic
Everyone has an inner voice. It’s whether you let it know that you’re paying attention that counts. The negative inner voice that tells you you’d never get that job, or why bother going on that date, they won’t like you anyway, is the one that crushes our self-confidence.
The encouraging inner critic is the one that motivates you to do better, that you’re doing your best, you’re trying.
It’s the negative inner critic that tears us down, that overpowers the encouraging inner critic, because somehow, we let it.
Time to talk back to your negative inner critic. Tell it to buzz off! As soon as that voice pops into your ear and starts talking, shut it down! “Nope, not today. You’re not bringing me down.” The quicker you tell it off, the easier it is to “leave you alone” so to speak.
2. Open Your Mind
When you get lost in your negative thoughts, ask yourself: what’s one tiny exception to that?
An example would be if you ask yourself this while you’re in school, you may come up with a subject you’re doing well in, or a good experience you’ve had recently. Or perhaps, out of some of the “bad” dates you’ve been on, there were a couple that were good, despite it not working out the way you hoped.
That small exception will open your mind to a world of optimistic confidence. All it takes is something small.
3. Make a List of Positive Memories
Whether you use your phone, a pen and paper, a crayon, or a marker, use what is handy or what strikes the mood.
Simply close your eyes for a moment. Think back to any situation you can recall you felt good enough, or to a time or times you may not felt “good enough”, but you acted and did well or even better than expected.
Now, write these down.
When you feel uncertain or you lose confidence in a situation, pull out your list and take a moment to reflect and see your outlook change.
4. Free Yourself from the Comparison Trap
We all do it. We compare ourselves to others, feel like they’re prettier, smarter, better than us in any and every way.
This is a very destructive habit that feeds into our diminished self-confidence of not feeling “good enough.” Comparing yourself too often means ending up in the trap, a habitual game in which you can’t win.
There will always be someone who may be more qualified, gifted etc. than you.
And you know what? That is okay.
Compare yourself to yourself, by seeing how far you’ve come and what you have overcome. By making that your primary, when you do see what others are doing, it makes it easier to be happy for their accomplishments. Lift yourself and each other up, rather than compare and bring yourself and each other down.
5. Online Highlight Reel
With the easiest access to what everyone else is doing in the world, the online world of the web is at your fingertips through smartphone technology. This makes it even harder to avoid the comparison trap. However, there is one thing you can keep in mind to help yourself when scrolling social media:
All you see is a highlight reel of people’s lives.
If you believe that is how their lives are 24/7, you fool yourself and make yourself feel worse, for no reason.
Most people are sharing their ups in their lives, rather than their bad days, or a balance of both.
It can be easy to fall into the trap of comparing your lows with someone else’s highlight reel. Stop and reflect before that bad inner voice kicks in.
6. Keep Social Media to a Minimum if Possible
By keeping your social media activity to a healthy minimum, such as once a day, or every few days, you can help yourself avoid the comparison trap.
Plus, it keeps your focus on the better things in life, like your day-to-day tasks, activities and gives you a healthy balance.
7. Change How You Feel with The Right Thing
When you aren’t feeling that great about yourself, here is something you can do to stabilize your self-esteem.
Do something right now, that you feel is the right thing. Like give a compliment to someone in your life, take 3 minutes to declutter a small space, or help someone with information they need.
Then add another task that you think is right, like switching your junk food snack for something healthier, when you feel judgmental toward someone on social media or TV try to find another point of view, kinder and more understanding.
Then a few more things, by building a small sequence of right things, for about 10-30 minutes. Don’t forget to take a pause and appreciate the good thing you just accomplished which helps you feel good about yourself, raise your self-esteem, and keep it stable.
8. Celebrate the Tiny Victories
All it takes is to celebrate each tiny victory, rather than waiting for something big to come along, as it may feel like it may never happen. This way when the big ones do come along, you’ll feel that much better about it.
It helps motivate your drive for self-confidence, no matter how small. From getting out of bed when you’re feeling low, to accomplishing a task before deadline.
Celebrate these tiny victories with a small reward. When getting out of bed when feeling low, the next step and celebration would be to try and have something to eat, which in turn is another tiny victory. Even a small pat on the back or perhaps listening to your favorite song can be a nice reward for that tiny victory.
9. Let It Escape
We’ve been told time and time again, don’t let your feelings become bottled up, because they can spiral out of control.
This is when we let them escape, when we feel them start to surface, rather than let them fester. It can help you look at things from a grounded and constructive perspectives.
There are three ways to let those feelings escape:
- Vent. Find someone you trust, whether it be a close friend, family member or counselor. This helps to release tensions and problem solve.
- Discuss. Like venting, find someone you trust and let them add their own perspective, or ask them what they’ve done in a similar situation.
- Journal. Write it down. Whether you’re calmly jotting down reflections, or furiously venting your feelings, it releases it from your mind onto paper or digitally. By seeing it laid out, you can go back in, find clarity, and see what you are able to do to improve or work with your challenge or situation.
10. Take Responsibility
This is the tough love portion. Taking responsibility for the process means you will focus on the way in which you get there rather than the result. Reduce the pressure you put on yourself by taking responsibility for showing up and acting.
11. It isn’t Always About You
Whatever criticism or attacks you might have received may not have been about you, don’t make that common mistake.
They could have had a bad week, month, or year, possibly in a bad marriage, dissatisfied with their career, or carry their own baggage of negativity that someone else put on them, and unfortunately, have taken it out on you.
When you’re not feeling “good enough” because of something someone else said or did, pause and reflect, you don’t have to carry their baggage of negativity, it’s theirs not yours.
12. Stop the Self-Beating
Beating yourself up may in the short-term renew motivation but causes more hurt than help and will drag you down mentally. Finding another way for self-motivation includes finding the thing that won’t push self-respect and love for yourself down.
- Have kind and constructive self-talks.
- Let the feelings escape.
- Look for tiny things you can do to improve your situation.
- Start building your list of right things.
13. Change Your Environment
What comes into our minds has big effects, whether it is positive or negative. This means changing your environment might be the healthiest to your positive self-confidence.
If you keep yourself in that negative environment, you end up trying to move forward at the same time the weights hold and drag you back.
Ask: What are my top 3 negativity sources?
- A close friend, co-worker, family or classmate.
- Social media.
- Website or online forum you frequent.
- TV shows, podcasts, music, and so on.
Then ask: how can I spend less time with these 3 sources?
If possible, come up with one or few steps to limit each source and focus on taking the action to reduce the influence these sources hold over you.
Take the time you have freed to swap out the negative for a positive, supportive, uplifting source and people, whether it be close by or far away.
How Hypnotherapy Can Help Improve Self-Confidence
Hypnotherapy goes deep within your subconscious; therefore, your hypnotherapist can reach that negative inner voice and help you take control of your feelings by working with you to discover a root cause to your low self-confidence and help replace the negative self-talk.
Through hypnotherapy, we can re-teach your mind to see yourself in a kinder light, help improve your overall confidence and self-belief around specific areas, like work or relationships, or boost confidence with a specific goal like taking a driving test.
Let me guide you as your clinical hypnotherapist to transform your lack of self-confidence into greater confidence and help you gain the strength to take control of it. If you have any questions or concerns do not hesitate to contact me.
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